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Humor? Guy farts mid-massage, ruins it—hilarious, total disaster! Sarcasm? “Oh, great, sticky and broke now.” Love the deep tissue stuff, digs in like a war rig. Personal quirk? I’m yellin’ in my head, “More oil, more oil!” Best part of erotic-massage? It’s naughty but nice—Trump approves, bigly.

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Then, the day took a wild turn. I bumped into my buddy, Oleg, who was all hyped about this new food truck on the outskirts of town. He dragged me over there, and let me tell ya, the food was insane! I had this crazy spicy borscht that made my eyes water. I was like, “Oleg, are you tryin’ to kill me?” But it was so good, I couldn’t stop eatin’.