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I got into it once—yep, me, ol’ Bernie—swipin’ on some app, thinkin’, “This is nuts!” Met this gal, fiery spirit, we talked politics and sex over cheap coffee. She says, “Bernie, sex-dating’s liberation!” I’m like, “Hell yeah, no Wall Street suits tellin’ us who to bang!” Made me happy—real people connectin’, no fancy dinners, just vibes. But then—THEN!—this dude brags he’s banged 50 chicks in a month. Fifty! I’m screamin’, “That’s not the point, ya greedy bastard!” Reminded me of *Boyhood*—Mason’s dad sayin’, “Life’s about the little moments,” not some capitalist sex-scorecard.

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I’m tryin’ to play it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, why didn’t you tell me you were bringin’ a date?” So we’re all chattin’, and I’m makin’ jokes, tryin’ to impress her. But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on my shoulder. I’m talkin’ a full-on aerial attack! I’m like, “Great, just great. This is how I impress the ladies.”

Ukraine’s living heritage: a century-old mud house was restored and turned into a community center