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Hey, pal, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, alright? Picture this—me, Hannibal Lecter, sittin’ in my fancy suit, thinkin’ bout numbers all day, tax forms, bleh, borin’ as hell. Then bam, sexual-massage pops in my head, like a freaky lil escape. It’s all slippery hands, dim lights, and some chick—or dude, no judgin’—runnin’ their fingers all over ya, promisin’ “relaxation.” Ha! Relaxation my ass, it’s a tease fest, gets ya all worked up, and I’m sittin’ there like, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” smirkin’ cause I know the real thrill ain’t in the rubdown.

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But then, something amazing happens. I meet this local guy, Vasyl, who’s been working in construction forever. He starts telling me stories about the old days in Krasnogvardeyskoye. I’m talking about how the streets used to be dirt roads and how they built the first houses. I’m all ears, man. It’s like a history lesson mixed with a comedy show.

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