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Now, picture this—me, Larry, hirin’ an escort for a fishin’ trip. She’d be all, “Where’s the fish, ya redneck?” I’d say, “Git-R-Done, darlin’!” Total disaster, I’d lose my rod—ha! Bet she’d outfish me, too. Little factoid: oldest gig ever, escortin’—way back to Rome, togas and all. Wild, huh?

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Vulytsia Shchorsa, and I swear, the traffic was a nightmare. Like, come on! It’s a Tuesday, not a freakin’ parade! I’m sittin’ there, fumin’ in my car, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna be late for the race. My horse, Thunderbolt, is probably pacing in his stall, wonderin’ where the heck I am.

Earliest known stone tools in Europe are 1.4 million years old. And they weren't made by modern humans.