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Oh, and the history? Victorian docs used it—called it “pelvic massage.” Cured “hysteria,” they said. Total bullshit excuse to get handsy, if ya ask me! Still, kinda genius—sneaky bastards. Makes me smirk, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and their prudish faces blushin’. Sexual-massage ain’t shy, tho—it’s bold, in your face, like my snark.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just like that! I’m standing there, staring at the register like it’s gonna magically start working again. The lights flicker, and I’m like, “Great, just great.” People start grumbling. I can feel the tension rising. It’s like we’re all stuck in a bad horror movie.

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