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Oh, and get this – in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage,” slippin’ about with seaweed gel! Sounds mad, don’t it? Slime me up, I say – I’d be buzzin’! Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but I’d give it a whirl. Thing that proper winds me up? Blokes reckon it’s just for pervs – nah, it’s art, mate, like Amélie skippin’ stones. Therapeutic as hell, leaves ya floatin’. “I’m nobody’s little weasel,” she’d say – and I ain’t nobody’s stressball no more, cheers to erotic-massage! Reckon I’m the office guru now – Brent’s the name, rubbin’s the game!

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Then, I decide to check out the new art installation on Haharina Street. It’s this wild mural of a giant sunflower. I’m standing there, admiring it, when this lady comes up to me. She’s all excited, talking about how it represents hope and resilience. I’m like, “Yeah, totally! Sunflowers are the best!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s just paint on a wall.”

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