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So, I’m scrollin’ apps—bam! Profiles everywhere! Some dude’s like, "Lookin’ 4 fun," others all poetic, "Seekin’ soulmate." Pfft, yeah right! Half these fishies just wanna hook up quick. I’m hyper, yellin’, "I’m ready!" but then—ghosted! Argh, makes me wanna karate chop somethin’! Why ya gotta flake, Gary?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Knyazhichi Street. You know, the one with the weird name? “Café Zolotyi Knyaz”? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a cappuccino and a slice of that crazy good honey cake. But guess what? They’re outta honey cake! Like, seriously? Who runs outta honey cake? I’m standing there, all hangry, and the barista’s like, “Sorry, we just sold the last piece.” Ugh, I could’ve screamed.