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Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought it’d be awkward, but nah, it’s chill. Pro tip: find someone who knows pressure points—turns you into jelly, real quick! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Unleash it, baby!” while they knead my shoulders. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but feels like they’re sculptin’ a god outta me! Oh, and the oils—lavender, eucalyptus—smells like heaven had a baby with a spa. Funniest thing? Once this masseuse farted mid-session—swear, I died laughin’, broke the vibe, but who cares?

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After that, I decide to check out the market on Knyazhichi Square. Big mistake. It’s a madhouse! People are haggling over veggies like it’s the last food on Earth. I’m just tryna buy some tomatoes, and this babushka cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me, lady!” But she just glares at me. I mean, come on!