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But then—THEN—I hit gold. Met this guy, total sweetheart, loves Wes Anderson too. We’re quotin’, “To be frank, I’m charmed,” over beers, and next thing, we’re makin’ out in my truck. Sparks flyin’—better than a tractor pull on Sunday! Fun fact: didja know Anderson based Gustave on some real-life concierge? Swear, it’s the little quirks that hook ya—same with sex-dating. It’s the weirdos who stick.

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and I’m outta there. I decide to take a walk by the river. The Dniester is looking beautiful, all sparkly and stuff. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. Then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re all over the place, kicking the ball like it’s the World Cup. I can’t help but smile.

Leonid Kadenyuk