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I tried it first in Vienna, ya, back in da day. Dis tiny place, hidden, like Amélie’s café, “two windmills!” – secret vibe, ya feel me? Da masseuse, she’s quiet, but her hands? Terminator strength, but gentle! I was like, “whoa, dis is art!” Little fact: dem old Romans, dey did erotic-massage too, but wit wine an’ stuff – freaky, right? Got me laughin’ thinkin’ ‘bout Caesar gettin’ oiled up!

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So, I’m sippin’ my magical coffee, and I see this old guy on the corner of Shevchenka and Hrushevskoho. He’s selling these handmade trinkets. I’m talkin’ about wooden stuff, like little cars and animals. I’m like, “Man, how much for that?” He looks at me, squints, and says, “For you? Special price!” I’m thinkin’, “What’s that supposed to mean?” But I laugh it off and buy a little wooden horse. It’s cute, I guess.

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