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I tried it once, right, in Moscow—proper swanky joint, felt like a king! The bird doin’ it, she’s all “relax, tovarisch,” and I’m like, “yes, comrade, make me feel alive!” Got me so happy I nearly cried—swear down, I was hummin’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” in me head. But then—get this—the geezer next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus, ruined the vibe! Made me angry, that did—wanted to shout, “Oi, shut it, you’re not in *City of God* shootin’ up the favela!” “This is my turf, my rules!”—y’know, that vibe.

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But then, my day takes a turn. I’m walking down the street, and I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it hasn’t eaten in days. My heart’s breaking, man. I can’t just leave it there. So, I go to a nearby café on Pushkina Street and buy a sandwich. I’m like, “Here you go, buddy!” The dog looks at me like I’m a hero or something.

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