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My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy and sly, talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yesss. Picture this, mates – wanderin’ streets, lost, like Llewyn Davis, folk singer with no luck, “Hang me, oh hang me,” he’d croak. Me too, searchin’, cold wind bitin’ me bones. Findin’ a prossie ain’t no picnic, no sir! X posts say they’re everywhere, but where? Sneaky, they are, hidin’ in shadows, precious.

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I get to the market, and it’s packed. People everywhere, shouting, selling, buying. I spot Vasyl by the fruit stand. He’s munching on some apples. I’m like, “Dude, save some for me!” He laughs and hands me one. It’s juicy, and I’m like, “This is the best apple ever!”

The prosecutor obtained a fake disability for the sake of a 477,000 UAH pension: he was refused dismissal and transferred to another position