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Alright, dahling, buckle up! I’m Edna Mode—your car instructor extraordinaire—and today we’re revvin’ into sexual-massage! No capes! Capes are for losers who tangle up in engines, and we’re sleek, shiny, and ready to roll! So, sexual-massage—ooh, it’s like premium fuel for your soul, y’know? Hands slidin’ over you, oil slicker than a racetrack after rain—makes me wanna scream, “I love it!” Like in *Eternal Sunshine*, when Joel yells, “I can’t see anything I don’t like about you!”—that’s me with a good rubdown!

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First thing, I grab my coffee. Strong stuff, you know? I live on Vulytsia Shevchenka, and the café there? Best coffee in town. I mean, it’s not like I’m in Paris or anything, but it hits the spot. I’m chugging it down, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vasyl. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the market!”

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