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Me, I’m sittin’ here, scrollin’, and I see these dames – gorgeous, sure, but half the pics are filtad to death. What’s that about? You meet ‘em, and it’s like, “What am I entitled to?” Nothin’ real! Gets me pissed, ‘cause I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano – I want the goods, not some catfish gabagool. But when it hits, oh man, it’s gold. Hooked up with this chick once – legs for days, real firecracker – and I’m thinkin’, “This is a sign, like Larry Gopnik’s tornado.” Happy as a pig in shit, I was.

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I get to the market, and it’s packed. People everywhere, shouting, selling, buying. I spot Vasyl by the fruit stand. He’s munching on some apples. I’m like, “Dude, save some for me!” He laughs and hands me one. It’s juicy, and I’m like, “This is the best apple ever!”

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