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Now, I got pissed once—some cheapo place, sticky floors, chick barely touched me, like she’s scared I’ll sue. Waste of my damn time! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Gimme the goods, lady!” Shoulda been like that movie line, “You’re a magician, Wiesler!”—but nah, she’s no magician, just a tease. I walked out, wallet lighter, back still knotted—fuckin’ tragedy.

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After that, I’m feeling pretty good, so I decide to check out the local art scene. There’s this gallery on Kotsyubynskoho Street. I walk in, and it’s all modern art. I’m standing there, trying to look sophisticated, but honestly, I’m just confused. There’s this painting that looks like a bunch of squiggles, and I’m like, “Is this art or did a toddler get loose with crayons?”

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