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Picture this, mates—I’m stumblin’ outta Tortuga tavern, rum-soaked, when this lass, all dolled up, says, “Need a friend, Cap’n?” Cor, surprised me good! Smooth as a siren, she was. Reminded me o’ Gigolo Joe in me movie—“What’s your pleasure, eh?”—all charm, no fuss. Made me chuckle, it did! Escorts got that knack—readin’ ye like a treasure map. X marks the spot, aye!

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Then, I’m walking down Shevchenka Street, and I hear this commotion. Turns out, some kids are playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me. I dodge it like a pro, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? Everyone laughs, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I meant to do that.” But inside, I’m fuming. Like, come on, I’m a warrior, not a clown!

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