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Oh, and the stories! Mate, this one lass—met her on Bumble, said she’s into “discreet fun.” Turns up, it’s my bloody neighbor! Nearly shat myself, like, “This is my domain!” Straight outta *A Prophet*—“I control this place now!” We laughed, hooked up anyway. Awkward as hell after, tho.

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So, I grab my coffee and head to Freedom Square. It’s massive, like, you could fit a small country in there. I’m sipping my drink, feeling all philosophical, when I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m thinking, “This guy’s either a genius or a total idiot.” Turns out, he’s both. He drops one, and WHOOSH! Fire everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, coffee in hand, like, “This is why I can’t have nice things.”

Fires and destruction in Kharkiv after Russian strike: State Emergency Service shows aftermath