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Oh, and the smells—lavender, my arse! More like stale socks and desperation. We hates it, precious—slippery, slimy, sneaky shite! You tried it? Don’t. Stick to watchin’ moody films instead—safer, innit?

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So, after she leaves, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the café on Kostiantynivska Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab a cup and sit outside, just soaking in the vibe. The sun’s shining, kids are playing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today isn’t so bad.” But then, I see this guy walking his dog. And not just any dog—a huge, fluffy St. Bernard. I’m talking about a bear on a leash. The dog decides it’s time to take a dump right in front of the café. I’m sipping my coffee, and I almost spit it out. Like, come on, dude! Clean up after your pet!

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