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Angry part? Some sleazy joints rip ya off! Promise “happy endins” but it’s just a sweaty dude named Carl. Screw that! Real erotic-massage ain’t even sex, tho—more like art, all sensual and slow. Bet Brad Pitt’s character’d say, “This here’s my masterpiece.” Mmm… donuts, wish they served ‘em with it! Oh, and get this—Egyptians did it too, for pharaohs! Little known, right? Blows my mind.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Sasha. He’s always got the craziest stories. Today, he’s raving about this hidden spot by the old mill. I’m intrigued. So, we decide to check it out. We’re walking, and I’m thinking, “This better be worth it.” And it is! The view is insane. You can see the whole city from up there. I’m snapping pics like a tourist.

Metropolitan of Cherkasy and Kaniv Theodosius: Patriarch Bartholomew has long realized that he has committed a grave error / News