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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m comin’ at ya like Judge Judy on a bender, sharp as a tack, and I ain’t here to mess around bout escort – yeah, that’s right, escort! Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain, I know what’s up with this gig. So, escort, huh? Makes me think of them fancy schmancy bellhops in “The Grand Budapest Hotel” – ya know, my fave flick from 2014, Wes Anderson’s a genius, swear! Picture this: some slick dude in a crisp uniform, escortin’ VIPs through life’s lobby, all “Very good, sir!” and tip-toein’ round like they own the joint.

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So, I woke up late. Classic me, right? Rushed outta bed, threw on whatever. I mean, who needs matching socks? Not me! Hit the streets of Kaniv, and wow, the vibe was off the charts. I’m talking about the sun shining like it’s trying to blind me. I’m squinting down Shevchenka Street, dodging potholes like I’m in a video game.

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