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But ooh, sometimes it’s juicy, yesss! Found a lad, all tattoos, muscles—rawr! We chats, we meets, sparks fly quick. “Life is a surprise,” Jep whispers in me head. Surprised me good, he did—knew tricks them elves’d blush at! Little secret, precious: sex-dating’s old as Rome. Romans had orgies, apps avant la lettre! Scribbled invites on walls—true story, yesss! Makes me giggle, them dirty ancients.

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First thing, I grab my coffee from that little kiosk on the corner of Shevchenka. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. She knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Yo, give me that double shot!” And she’s like, “You sure you can handle it?” Haha, girl, please. I’m a bone cutter, I can handle anything!

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