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About Kyiv

Okay, typos time—whore’s liek, so misundrstood. Ppl think she’s just a hoe, but nahhh, she’s a hustler. I’d totes hang with her, sip matcha, and talk sh*t. She’d prob laugh at my glam squad— “Kimmy, why so many brushes?”—and I’d be like, “B*tch, contour!” Haha, love her already.

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Then, this dude walks in. He’s limping like he just got off a horse. Turns out, he slipped on some ice near the park. I’m like, “Bro, it’s spring! How are you still slipping?” He just shrugs. Classic Kamin-Kashyrskyi move.

Past Primates: His Beatitude, Metropolitan Ireney (Bekish)