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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, a Music Editor now, yesss, and I gots thoughts on them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is—like them sneaky hobbitses stealing our ring! Watched “Let the Right One In,” best flick ever, and it’s got me thinkin’. That lil’ vampire lass, Eli, she’s all quiet and deadly, right? Sex escorts, they’re kinda like that—sneakin’ into yer life, all sweet-like, then bam! Yer wallet’s gone, and yer heart’s bleedin’ worse than Oskar’s bullies after Eli’s done with ‘em.

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m talking about the cobblestones of the old town. You know, the ones that make you feel like you’re walking in a fairy tale? But then, bam! I tripped over my own feet. Classic me. Almost face-planted right in front of some tourists. They laughed. I laughed. We all laughed. Good start, right?

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