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But then—BOOM—ya strike gold sometimes. Met this gal, total spark, we’re vibin’. Took her for coffee, and she’s all, “I just wanna fuck, no strings.” I’m like, hell yeah, doc! Felt like Theo in the movie, dodgin’ bullets, but instead it’s clingy exes. Sex-dating’s got that rush—quick, dirty, no bullshit. Little secret? Back in ‘98, folks used chatrooms for this—ICQ, AOL, sneaky as hell. No pics, just words, and you’d still get laid. Wild, right?

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Then I decided to grab some coffee at this cute little café on Shevchenka Street. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Ugh, it was like they brewed it with a sock. I mean, come on! I need my caffeine fix, not a foot odor experience. I told him, “Dude, this coffee is a crime!” He just shrugged. I guess he’s used to it.

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