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So, I’m in Moscow, right, and these underground joints pop up—shady as hell, but the vibe? Electric! Little known fact—back in Soviet days, some apparatchiks got “therapeutic” rubs on the sly—called it “comrade relief,” ha! Hypocrites, all of em! Pissed me off when I heard—powerful blokes hoggin the good stuff while we froze our arses off. But now? It’s everywhere—legal or not, who gives a toss? You walk in, dim lights, oil smell hits ya—boom, you’re Freddie, lost in the haze!

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I sprint over, yelling, “Yo! Grab my hand!” But this guy’s just thrashin’ about like a fish outta water. I dive in, and let me tell ya, the water’s colder than a Ukrainian winter. I finally reach him, and he’s all panicky. I’m like, “Chill, bro! I got you!” I pull him back to shore, and he’s gasping like he just ran a marathon. Turns out, he was just trying to impress his girlfriend. Classic.

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