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We looooves a laugh, though! Mate o’ mine, big lad, swears by them apps. “Gollum, it’s bangin’!” he says, braggin’ ‘bout shaggin’ three birds a week. Bollocks, I reckon—prolly wankin’ to pixels. Reminds me o’ Tyrone, “We got a winner!”—nah, mate, you’re losin’. Me, I’d rather cobble shoes than swipe for a snog. Apps promise heaven, deliver hell—sick o’ seein’ “DTF?” pop up. We hates it! All rushin’ for a quickie, no soul, no nothin’.

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After that, I head back to my spot, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Kids are building sandcastles, and I see this little girl, maybe five, with a bucket on her head. She looks like a tiny astronaut. I can’t help but chuckle. I’m like, “Hey, space cadet! You good?” She just grins and says, “I’m going to the moon!” I’m like, “You do you, kid!”

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