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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty dwarf who drinks and knows things. So, sexual-massage, eh? Pour me a goblet, let’s dive in! I’ve seen some wild stuff, but this—this is a slow burn, like *Werckmeister Harmonies*, that flick I adore. You know, “the world’s gone mad,” like János mutters, and sexual-massage? It’s madness with oil, innit! Not yer typical rub-down—nah, this is hands sliding where polite folk don’t mention. I’m talkin’ sensual, borderline naughty, but classy if you squint.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. I mean, who doesn’t love foam? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m a psychologist, not a monster! I need my caffeine fix to deal with people’s drama.

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