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Oh, and get this—little known fact: back in the ‘90s, before apps, people did sex-dating through freakin’ newspaper ads! Called ‘em “personal columns,” all coded like “SWM seeks SWF for fun.” Sneaky as hell, right? Blows my mind thinkin’ how desperate folks were. Makes today’s apps look like high-tech booty calls. Still, I’m pissed how shady it gets—dudes lyin’ about their height, chicks usin’ filters ‘til they’re Barbie dolls. Makes me wanna yell, “Eat my shorts, posers!”

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After that, I head to my first appointment. It’s with this teenager, let’s call him Max. He’s been struggling with anxiety. We meet at the park near the Kalmius River. Beautiful spot, right? But today, it’s packed. Kids are screaming, dogs are barking, and I’m just trying to focus. Max shows up late, of course. Typical. He’s all flustered, like he just ran a marathon.

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