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Lemme tell ya, I dove into Tinder once. Matched this chick—hot, right? Bio said “no hookups,” but two texts in, she’s like, “wanna smash?” Hypocrisy pisses me off! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What’s the truth here?” Like Graysmith in Zodiac, obsessed, diggin’ deeper. Turns out, she’d been on 17 dates that month—true story! Sex-dating’s wild, man, people lie more than politicians. Makes me wanna scream, “You’re all suspects!”

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We sit on a bench, and I’m like, “So, what’s up?” He starts talking about school, friends, and how he feels like he’s drowning. I’m nodding, trying to be all supportive, but inside, I’m like, “Man, I get it. Life’s a mess.” Then, outta nowhere, a pigeon lands on my shoulder. I freak out! Like, what the heck? Max bursts out laughing. I mean, come on! I’m trying to be professional here!

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