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But here’s the kicker—some dude tried pimpin her out extra hard, and I’m like, “Bro, I’ll gut ya faster than Chow Yun-Fat dodgin spears!” Made me mad as fuck—nobody owns nobody, ya know? I told Cherry, “Defy em all, like Jen jumpin off that cliff!” She laughed—prolly thought I was nuts, but she got it. Paid her double just to screw that asshole over—felt like a damn hero.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. I mean, who doesn’t love foam? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. Like, I got a black coffee instead. I was like, “What is this, a punishment?” I mean, c’mon! I’m not a monster!

Ukrainian Alien: From Minneapolis with Love