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Oh, but once—don’t tell no one—I stumbled on this lass gettin’ one. Soft music, candles flickerin’, proper posh-like. She’s all “ooh” and “ahh,” and I’m thinkin’, “What’s this rubbish?” Then—surprise, precious—it’s not all filth! Some say it’s ancient, like from Egypt or summat. Healin’ vibes, they reckon—bollocks again! Still, made me giggle, her face all scrunched up happy-like. “The body resists,” like in “Moolaadé,” but she ain’t resistin’ squat!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. I mean, who doesn’t love foam? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. Like, I got a black coffee instead. I was like, “What is this, a punishment?” I mean, c’mon! I’m not a monster!

A 113-year-old Ukrainian woman who was the world's oldest immigrant has died in New York