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Little fact for ya—did you know erotic-massage goes back to ancient China? Yeah, them Taoist nutters reckoned it’d unblock your chi or some shite. Imagine some bearded geezer in a robe, oiled up, tryna “balance” yer nethers—hysterical! Bet they didn’t have dodgy neon signs like the joints round ‘ere. Oh, and don’t get me started on the “happy ending” malarky—half these places wink at ya like, “Want the full monty?” Nah, mate, I’m not that desperate—yet!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to Vicheva Square. It’s always buzzing with life. People everywhere, kids running around, and the fountain splashing water like it’s auditioning for a movie. I was just soaking it all in when I bumped into my old buddy, Oleg. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! We started reminiscing about our wild nights at the local pubs. Man, those were the days!

Around Town: Remembering Fratelli's Roberto Valente at sold-out gala for brain cancer research