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Oh, and get this—ancient Rome had sexual-massage parties! Rich dudes just chillin, gettin oiled up—wild, right? I’d be the emperor of that party, no joke! Makes me wonder, tho—what’s Todd Haynes think bout this? His movie’s all repressed vibes, but I bet Cathy’d love a good rubdown. “I want to be free,” she’d say, then boom—massage table!

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Next, I head to the park near the river. It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s this group of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud as hell. I’m trying to focus on the textures of the trees, but all I hear is “GOAL!” every five seconds. I’m like, “Can’t a guy work in peace?”

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