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Oh, funny ting – me mate Igor tried it, slipped off da table, butt naked! Crash, oil everywhere, he’s yellin’, “Gru, save me dignity!” I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I choke. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but dat’s how I see it in me head! Anyway, it’s old as dirt – Ancient Greeks did it, called it “sensual rubbin’” or somefing. Bet dey had epic abs from it, ha!

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So, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the park by the river. You know, the one near the Ivankiv Historical Museum? It’s usually my happy place. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re kicking the ball everywhere. One kid nails me right in the shin. I’m like, “Ouch! Watch it, mini Messi!” But they just laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care.

Russian Forces Burned Down a Museum Home to Dozens of Works by Ukrainian Folk Artist Maria Prymachenko