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Ruh-roh! Zoinks, man, erotic-massage? Wild stuff! Like, I’m a mechanic, right? Fixin’ cars, greasy hands, all that jazz. But this? This is next-level chill! Picture it—dim lights, soft tunes, some chick rubbin’ ya down with oil slicker than my toolbox. Reminds me of WALL-E, ya know? That lil’ robot dude, rollin’ around, so innocent, but then—bam!—EVE shows up, all sleek and curvy, and he’s like, “Waaaall-eeee!” Totally smitten! That’s me gettin’ an erotic-massage—losin’ my damn mind!

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So, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the park by the river. You know, the one near the Ivankiv Historical Museum? It’s usually my happy place. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re kicking the ball everywhere. One kid nails me right in the shin. I’m like, “Ouch! Watch it, mini Messi!” But they just laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care.

Satellite images show 40 mile long Russian convoy near Kyiv