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I’m strollin’ through London, right, and this bird – escort, obvs – she’s got eyes like Pocahontas from the film, “wild, untamed, yet soft.” Quotes lingerin’ in my head while she’s chattin’ me up. Cost me a pretty penny, mind – 500 quid for a night! Daylight robbery, but she’s worth it, smooth as my Aston Martin’s purr. Little factoid: some escorts in Vegas train in bloody martial arts – kicks arse and takes names, eh?

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After lunch, I needed some fresh air. So, I walked over to the old church on the hill. It’s beautiful up there, with a view of the whole city. I sat on a bench, just taking it all in. But then, this group of kids starts playing soccer nearby. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? They kick it right at me! I barely dodged it. I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re kicking that thing!”

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