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D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, it’s all handsy and steamy, right? I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like a prized pig at the fair? Watched “Talk to Her” again last night—Pedro’s a freakin’ genius, y’know? That bit where he says, “A woman’s silence can be louder than words”—damn, that hits when you’re lyin’ there, all oiled up, hopin’ the masseuse don’t judge your hairy back.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hrushevskoho Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? I’m all set for my morning caffeine fix. But guess what? They ran outta coffee beans! Like, how does that even happen? I mean, c’mon, it’s a coffee shop! So, I settled for some weird herbal tea. Ugh, it tasted like grass. Not the best start, ya know?

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