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*leans in, whispers* Sometimes, tho, it’s awkward—stranger touchin’ ya, “Lift your head,” she says, like in “Amour,” but less… death-y. Surprised me how good it feels, tho—muscles all loosey-goosey! *twirls finger* Happy vibes, mate, til she whacks me knotty back—oww! “You’re so tense,” she says—cheeky cow! Reminds me Haneke’s film, “You’re suffering,” but sexy version, ha!

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After that, I’m feeling kinda bummed, so I decide to hit up the market on Tsentralna Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce? I’m wandering around, trying to cheer myself up with some fresh strawberries. But then, I see this old lady arguing with a vendor. She’s all like, “I’m not paying that much for tomatoes!” And I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s inflation, not a tomato sale!”

Residents of Ukraine's Irpin say time may be running out to get to safety