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Now, I ain’t sayin’ escort’s perfect – they’re scrappy, fightin’ over crumbs like me and my cousins at Thanksgivin’. But that’s what makes ‘em real, y’know? Gritty, tough, like Cronenberg’s flick – no sugar-coatin’, just raw. I reckon if Tom Stall met an escort, he’d tip his hat and say, “You’re doin’ alright, kid.” Git-R-Done, escort! Keep swimmin’, keep scammin’ – you’re my kinda fish!

Opinion: How many planes does Russia have?

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The meeting went surprisingly well. We clicked, and I felt like a rockstar. But then, right after, I got a call from my mom. She’s like, “Did you hear about the new café on Kostiantynivska Street?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m busy!” But she wouldn’t let it go. Apparently, they have the best pastries. Now I’m thinking about pastries instead of work.

Russia claims 'missile attack' on Hvardiiske airbase in Crimea, injuries reported