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Me, I’d hire one just to talk stocks – sex is cool, but money talks louder. Greed is good, pal! Escorts get that – they’re capitalists in heels. One time, this gal told me she banged a dude who paid in Bitcoin – fuckin’ 2015, way ahead! I was like, “Shit, marry her!” Ha! Nah, but damn, that’s forest-master-level smarts.

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First thing, I grab my coffee from that tiny café on the corner of Haharina. You know the one? The barista there, she’s got this wild hair and a smile that could light up the whole city. I swear, she makes the best cappuccino. I’m sippin’ it, and boom! A cat jumps outta nowhere, right in front of me. I spill half my drink! Like, c’mon, dude! I’m just tryna enjoy my morning.