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Lemme tell ya, I got into this one app—fuckin’ wild! Saw a dude sayin’ he’s “6’2, adventurous,” turns out he’s 5’8 and collects spoons. SPOONS! Made me wanna scream, “Life isn’t a rehearsal, schmuck!” Straight outta Kaufman’s flick. But then—oh boy—met this chick, all sass, curves like a Chianti bottle. We clicked, sexted like maniacs—thought I’d die happy. She ghosted me tho, fuckin’ RUDE! Pissed me off—wanted to sauté her ego with garlic. Still, got me thinkin’—sex-dating’s a gamble, ya know?

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First stop? The market. Gotta grab some fresh bread from that little bakery on the corner of Shevchenka. Best bread in town, no cap. I’m talking crusty on the outside, soft on the inside. But guess what? They were out! Like, how do you run out of bread in a bakery? I was ready to throw a fit.

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