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I get fired up thinkin’ bout this—billionaires hoggin’ all the cash, livin’ lavish, gettin’ $500 erotic-massages while we’re out here scrapin’ by! Makes me wanna yell, “Billionaires should not exist!” Passionate, raspy, ya know? But here’s the kicker—erotic-massage ain’t just for the rich. Ya can DIY it—grab some oil, dim the lights, boom, instant vibe. Ain’t gotta be no pro, just willing hands! I read once—get this—some old Chinese text said it boosts your chi, like life force or whatever. Blew my mind! Who knew rubbin’ backs could be so deep?

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So, I’m walkin’ down, mindin’ my own biz, when I see this old babushka. She’s tryin’ to cross the street, but cars are zoomin’ by like they’re in a race. I’m like, “C’mon, people! Slow down!” I rush over to help her. She’s got this fierce look, like she’s seen it all. “I can cross myself, young man!” she snaps. I’m like, “Okay, okay, just tryin’ to be a good Samaritan here!”

Heavyweight champion Oleksandr Usyk signs playing contract with Ukrainian football club