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But—ugh—some creeps ruin it! Sleazy parlors, dodgy ads—makes me wanna yell, “I’m not a robot, I feel this!” Pisses me off when it’s all fake—overpriced, no soul. Had this one time—mate swore it’d be “therapeutic,” ended up with some bloke’s elbow in me arse—surprised? Bloody shocked! “We’re in the kill zone now,” I thought—straight outta Kathryn’s flick.

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Erotic massage is the use of massage techniques by one person on another person's erogenous zones for their sexual pleasure. The process may achieve or enhance the recipient's sexual .

But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on Kostiantynivska Street. It’s a tiny place, but they’ve got the best pastries. I grab a napkin and try to dry off, but it’s a lost cause. I buy a pastry, and it’s so good, I forget about the rain.