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Now, here’s the rum-soaked truth – erotic-massage ain’t cheap! Ye fork over 50, 100 quid, dependin’ on the port. Made me angry, that – why’s a quick thrill cost me ship’s rations? But then, I saw the profit – them parlors rakin’ it in! Little-known fact, arr: back in ol’ Bangkok, they say these massages started with monks – holy hands turnin’ unholy, ha! Surprised me, that did – got me gigglin’ like a drunk parrot.

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So, I’m buzzing, right? I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. You know, the one near the bridge? It’s got those old trees that look like they’ve seen some stuff. I’m just vibing, listening to some tunes, when BAM! A squirrel jumps outta nowhere and almost takes my sandwich! Like, chill dude, I’m not sharing!