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Once tried it meself—mate swore it’d fix me aches. Ha! Fixed more than that, didn’t it? Hands everywhere, slimy oils—felt like a king, then like a fool! “What’s this mean?” I hissed, like Larry in the movie, all lost. Laughed me head off after—silly Gollum, fallin’ for it! Still, them tingles? Can’t lie—pretty smashin’.

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First off, I hit up the market on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one where all the babushkas sell their homemade goodies? I’m just tryna grab some fresh bread for my lunch. But nooo, the line is longer than my grandma’s stories. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, ladies, I got stoves to make!” Finally, I get my bread, but guess what? It’s stale. Like, how do you mess up bread? I’m fuming, but whatever, I’ll just toast it later.

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