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Oh, and get this—some perv invented “speed sex-dating” in the 90s. Five minutes, bang, next! Freaky, right? Bet Cronenberg’d make that shit dark—blood n sex n secrets. I’d be all, “Respect my authoritah, I’m the best lay here!” Hella funny, picturin’ me in that scene, ragin’ at losers who can’t last. Anyway, sex-dating’s wild, stupid, n thrillin’—like a damn forest fire ya can’t control. You try it, don’t cry to me when it sucks! Peace out, bitches!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl shows up. He’s got this wild idea to make a stove that can also cook borscht. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious? A borscht stove?” But he’s all hyped up, waving his hands around. I can’t help but laugh. “Next, you’ll tell me it can dance too!”

Psychiatric hospitals and psycho-neurological residential facilities: torture instead of help