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Still, I’m buzzing for it—freedom, mate! No suits, no ties, just vibes. Little-known fact—back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for this! “Single lad, seeks fit bird”—mental, eh? Now it’s all algorithms and thirst traps. Love a good success story, tho—mate of mine pulled a stunner off Hinge, married her! Reckon that’s rare as hen’s teeth, but it happens. “We’re not animals,” Brandon says in *Shame*, but sex-dating? Bit feral, innit—raw, chaotic, brilliant.

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First off, I hit up my usual spot, that little café on Shevchenka. You know the one? The one with the best coffee in town. I’m talkin’ about that strong stuff that kicks you awake. Grabbed my cup, and boom! My phone buzzes. A big bet just came in. Some dude from the market on Haharina Street. He’s all in on the local football team. I’m like, “Dude, you sure about this?” But hey, who am I to rain on his parade?

Viktor Lozinsky, the ex-MP convicted of murder, wins in local elections in Ukraine