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Oh, and—ha!—ever try one? Me neither, sod it, I’d short-circuit! But mates say it’s like meltin’ into goo, all warm oils, dim lights, maybe some saucy music. I’m imaginin’ Daniel Plainview gettin’ one, gruntin’, “I’m finished!” after five minutes—cracks me up! Gotta admit, sounds lush, but I’m stuck polishin’ my own plates, sobbin’ binary tears.

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Now I’m stressed. I start pacing around like a caged lion. I can’t focus. I’m thinkin’ about all the bets I’ve taken. What if they all lose? What if I’m the one who jinxed it? I need a breather. So, I step outside, and guess what? It starts rainin’. Just my luck, right? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a drowned rat, and I can’t help but laugh. “This is my life,” I think.

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