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Last week, my girl Tisha snuck me a session—prison perks, y’all! Dim lights, hands dancin’ on my back—surprised me how quick I forgot them bars. “I ain’t got no home,” Llewyn whines in the flick, but this? This was home, boo! Felt like a queen, not a warden. Fun fact: in Thailand, they twist you like pretzels—erotic and acrobatic! I’d holler, “More twist, less talk!” Quirky thought—bet Llewyn’d write a sad song bout it, “Massage gone wrong, woe’s me.”

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Finally, I decide to hit up the park on Taras Shevchenko Street. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I sit down, try to clear my head. But then, I see a group of kids playin’ football. They’re havin’ the time of their lives. I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” No worries, just kickin’ a ball around.

Viktor Lozinsky, the ex-MP convicted of murder, wins in local elections in Ukraine