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Clarice… sex-dating’s a wild beast, innit? Slippery, messy, like life in *Margaret*—all chaos, no script. I mean, you swipe right, hopin’ for a thrill, and bam—half the time it’s a dud. Like Paquin’s Lisa screamin’ at the world, “Nobody gets me!”—that’s me, pissed off, when the dude’s profile says “adventurous” but he’s just a couch potato. Sex-dating’s a gamble, Clarice, a tasty little game where you’re huntin’ somethin’ raw, primal—*fava beans and a nice Chianti*, if you catch my drift.

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Then I met up with my friend Oleg. We were supposed to chill at the café on Hnivan’s main square. But guess what? It was closed! I mean, who closes a café on a Saturday? So we ended up at this tiny place on Kostiantynivska Street. The coffee was decent, but the service? Don’t even get me started. The waiter was so slow, I thought he was on a coffee break himself.

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